Memories
by Dawn Run
Summary: " Every night is the same..." I think to myself. Glancing at Jacob's sleeping form on the settee, I wonder, what is this feeling that tortures me...ever since I left Him.... Should I go back? Can he forgive me? A/N SUMMARY IS BAD, BUT GIVE IT A GO!
1. Chapter 1

EDWARD POV

The trees were dark as I walked silently through the woods.

I should have been cold. I should have shivered under the cold wind wrapping its way around me. But I did not. In fact, I barely flinched..

The cold had ceased to mean much to me anymore. For years, not many, but enough to serve as a painful reminder. Of one that I had lost. And all in a moment of foolishness....

_"Bella..?" _

_The question had rung out in darkness, one that I was not accustumed to. I was looking for Bella. Normally, I would not have left her side willingly, but I had been talking to Carlisle about something...I cannot remember what it was about now, because the next thing , I saw , clouded my mind. _

_Bella was there, oh, she was there. What I noticed first, was that she was crying... Tears fell down her cheeks, her eyes, bloodshot and tired. I moved forwards to comfort her. To hold her and ask what was the matter? Why was she sad? My heart groaned to see her like that. About to move forwards, actually putting my foot out towards her, I then, sensed something. _

_I would have sensed him before, long before now, but I suppose Bella's plight had distracted me somewhat. Now, I recoiled, as the scent of musky dog reached up into my nostrils. I took a step backwards, as his odour filled the air between Bella and myself._

_It was Jacob. _

_It was then, and only then, that I noticed that his arms were wrapped around hers. She was coocooned in his arm, weeping. What made me stop, I still dont know. For one mad moment, I thought he was strangling her, and i was prepared to go out, and personally rip his throat out, even if I had to do it in front of Bella._

_But,, instead, I heard his voice, low, and far, far too emotial for my liking.._

_"Bella..." He began. " Bella....You chose him...You dont , you never wanted me..what makes you want me now?"_

_What?_

_"Jacob..." Bella sobbed. " Jacob....I do...I mean..I want you....its just that ...I want him as well..." _

_Jacob broke away slightly. " Well, Bella, You're gonna have to choose, because you can't have both of us.."_

_"I know, I know!" Bella wailed.. _

_"Bella.." Jacob leaned down. " Think of the possibilities, if you were to pick me...I could give you something, that he can't..."_

_Bella was silent, staring at him. _

_No, Bella..._

_I silently begged. A part of me, knew that his was the more attractive offer. He could give her children, a life, hell, he could even grow old with her. _

_He had the choice. I didn't._

_Still. I begged, what would I do without her?_

_Bella's voice was shaky when she next spoke.." What could you give me, that Edward couldn't, Jacob?"_

_She didnt want to , to offer him a chance to offer himself, but being Bella, she felt that she should. _

_Jacob knew this also. He knew that he was always going to win._

_"I could....give you children.. We could go places. We wouldn't have to hide in the shade, because I'm not like him, Bella. Sure , I might not be completely human, but...I look out for the safety of others...I would always, always put you first..." His voice broke._

_"So would Edward..." Bella murmered. I stood there, frozen in place, my entire existance depending on the next words out of her lips._

_" I could grow old with you, Bella"_

_I knew it. Realisation hit me, right there and then. Those were the words that would finally convince her. Bella was maternal._

_To my horror, they were. She stood there, for what seemed to be an eternity. _

_"Okay. " _

_And slowly, I watched, my heart shattering into a thousand pieces, as Jacob smiled once at her, dipped his head, and kissed her very softly on the lips. _

_A howl of fury rent the air, I realised it was me, Bella, and Jacob moved to stared at me.  
_

_Bella, frightened, and Jacob, defiant. _

_" How long have you been spying on us, bloodsucker?" he cried his eyes alight with a potential fight. _

_I was ready to give him one. Oh, God, how I wanted to leap at him, and rip his head from his shoulders, his limbs from his body , how I wanted to drain his body of his blood...._

_One look at Bella's pleading face, and my cold , non existant heart melted. She wanted him. _

_He would make her happy._

_How could I distroy that?_

_Instead, I turned tail, and ran._

Its been years since I saw her last.

The left soon after, telling everyone that they were going to travel.

She came looking for me. Of course she did.

She even ventured into the woods to find me, saying she was sorry, that she had never meant for this to happen this way, etc.

I couldn't look at her.

I couldnt bring myself to look once more into those two pools of innocent brown. And know, that I was going to lose them.

Lose them to a dog.

Its been five years now. Every day, I curl up into a ball, trying, in vain to forget her.

Every day, instead of the pain easing, it gets harder. Harder , and harder to bear.

No one knows.

I could leave. I could journey back to Alaska, to Denali, but....the pain would attack me , even there.

I dont know how to escape.


	2. Chapter 2

**Bella POV **

"Bella" Renee's voice held a false cheery note , as I picked up the receiver.

"Hey, Mom" I struggled to keep from laughing, as I watched Jacob enjoying himself in the sea.

We were at the beach, the sun 's rays heating my skin. Jacob had been in the sea all morning. Now, I watched , amused, as he flicked his wet hair out of his eyes, and grinned across at me. A few eyes were drawn to him , I noticed, but I drew immense satisfaction from the fact that he was mine, all mine.

"How are you? How's Edward?" I had forgotten my mom didn't know. I had wanted to close that chapter of my life as quickly as possible, I must have forgotten to tell her.

"Mom...." I didn't know how to do it. "Mom, I'm....I'm not with Edward anymore."

A short silence, as the news hit Renee. " What happened, Bella?"

I sighed. This was not what I had wanted to talk about with my own mother, but... " We just...grew _apart_....I guess..." I felt bad for lying to her, but I had to keep the truth from her, for as long as possible.

"Grew apart?" she remarked, sceptically. " Are you sure that's what happened, Bella, I mean, you and Edward seemed to be -"

"Mom." I interrupted. I didn't want to hear this.

Luckily, she picked up the hint. "Well, Bella, I'm sorry to hear that...where are you now?"

"I'm in Phoenix, actually"

"_Really_?!"

"Yep" I could see Jacob finally emerging from the water, the water rolling in beads down his skin.

"Hey, mom, listen, I kind of have to go-"

"Hang on! Bella, I called to say that.. Charlie is sick, _really_ sick-"

"What?" I demanded. " What happened to him?"

"Well, they say he's got _cancer_..."

And it happened , just like that. The world around me, seemed to mist over and go quiet. Even Jacob turned blurry. It was only when I felt my cheeks, that I realised that there were tears rolling down my cheeks.

I couldn't bear to think of Charlie, having cancer. No....it couldn't be happening...A part of me, refused to accept it...

Then-

"Bella?" Jacob was right beside me. I felt the warmth of his body envelope me. " What's wrong?"

"It's Charlie..." I murmured, still reeling from the shock. "He's......he's......"

Jacob looked at me.

Finally, I steeled myself to speak it." He's got...._cancer_, Jacob"

**Jacob POV**

_Bella looked as if she had been hit by a train._

Her cell was held loosely in her hand, and she stared into space, seemingly not seeing anything that was going on in front of her. In a flash, I was out of the water, and by her side.

"Bella..." I asked. " What's wrong?"

I watched her expression. All the colour had abruptly drained from her face. She looked as pale, as-

No. I shook my head, distracted.

"It's Charlie..." she began in a voice lower then a whisper. " He's ......he's..."

I thought she was going to faint, she was that white.

"He's got _cancer_, Jacob.."

_Holy_-

**_Bella POV_**

"Jacob..." I gathered up the towels. Suddenly, I was not feeling as carefree any more.

"How the heck did it happen?" Jacob gently relieved me of the towels, as we bagan to walk along the sandy hill.

"I don't know..." I murmured. I was still wondering that myself, and a new panic had set in. Charlie was still living in Forks. And I knew, someone _else_ was probably still there as well...

" Is he okay?" The question seemed absurd, for about a splitsecond,as I realised that he meant it as a present tense. " Is he okay, now? " "Does he know?"

"Yeah, I think he does." Renee had told me, on the phone, telling me Charlies reaction when he visited his doctor, after getting bowel cramps...

"What are you going to do?" Jacob's next question.

"Jacob" I turned to face him, and we stopped, looking at each other. " I have to go back"

" Back?"

"Yeah. Back to Forks."

* * *

**Hi, I'm sorry it took me such a long time to update, I was seriously busy!**

**So, Bella's heading back to Forks...**

**If you want to know, what happens, in Forks, you must review. Otherwise...**

**Review?**

**Thanks**

**~Dawn Run~**


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